Rage is sparked with less than a match.

Heavy it waits, on pointed toes.

Knowing I’ll be there to embody its chaos.

I am weak in the face of pain, despite my words of strength.

I take the bait.

Power in fury is false, but logic cannot see it.

So I pretend I can’t either.

Never well-liked

But typically tolerated

Those who feel love

Use it to lie about

Those who don’t

The sting never stops

But typically tolerated

Never holding ill-will

But assumed upon

Nonetheless

It’s odd

How I’m never allowed

To have a bad day

But sometimes

Everyday is bad

Anyway

I work only two to three morning shifts a week, but before I go inside, I set my alarm for three minutes and make myself meditate on breath work. Trying to take myself out of fight/flight. I think it’s helping.

I want my house to be perfect

I want my environment to reflect

The type of me

That I haven’t met yet

Punches me in the gut on occasion…

‘This body’s not mine’

My core aches and I feel dead inside.

Can I still feel the fingers running up my thigh?

It’s not a wonder… why it can be hard to be alive.

No true reality exists

In a world where self

Is the center axis

Of revolving morality

The wounds of your great grandmother are etched in your bones. The sorrow of your grandmother is woven in your skin. The sacrifices of your mother are carved on your heart.

2021 a year in review? Another year that a lot of us still sucked, and learned nothing new.
We started with an insurrection– a public display of white male’s dysfunctional erection.
Watched an impeachment, where justice just failed, and logic was jailed.
Mittens on Bernie, became a mental health journey.
Rush Limbaugh died, and only awful people cried.
No one watched the super bowl, because half its viewers are in burial holes.
Musk became more hated, I’m sure Bezos was elated.
The Suex Canal did an interpretive dance– of economy collapse.
Meghan and Harry talked to Oprah, just a public soap opera.
Nasa landed again on mars, while most American’s spread the ‘rona at bars.
Johnson and Johnson was wrongly used in rhetoric duel for conspiracy fuel.
It was debated on the right wing, mr. potato head’s lack of ding-a-ling.
We let another monster run free, puddin’ pop molester Cosby.
Water started to run low, bet most of you didn’t even know.
Ivermectin.
Six hours without the f-book had us all shook.
Oh, and still the fires burn– but it seems to be of little concern.
Climate change is roaring, but I guess it’s too boring?
Covid and common cold got together, now omicron causes heart damage forever.
We launched another telescope in space, because we gotta jump planets at this pace.
And to top off my short list of how this year went, Betty White died– 2021, get bent.

If adulthood is really just getting used to the unsettling feeling of turmoil forever living inside your guts–

then I don’t wanna live in this hood.