Only your God could

Hold so much hate

They cast out an angel

And created a demon

Insomnia is

a stiff dick

that never cums

Rage is sparked with less than a match.

Heavy it waits, on pointed toes.

Knowing I’ll be there to embody its chaos.

I am weak in the face of pain, despite my words of strength.

I take the bait.

Power in fury is false, but logic cannot see it.

So I pretend I can’t either.

Never well-liked

But typically tolerated

Those who feel love

Use it to lie about

Those who don’t

The sting never stops

But typically tolerated

Never holding ill-will

But assumed upon

Nonetheless

It’s odd

How I’m never allowed

To have a bad day

But sometimes

Everyday is bad

Anyway

I work only two to three morning shifts a week, but before I go inside, I set my alarm for three minutes and make myself meditate on breath work. Trying to take myself out of fight/flight. I think it’s helping.

I want my house to be perfect

I want my environment to reflect

The type of me

That I haven’t met yet

Punches me in the gut on occasion…

‘This body’s not mine’

My core aches and I feel dead inside.

Can I still feel the fingers running up my thigh?

It’s not a wonder… why it can be hard to be alive.

No true reality exists

In a world where self

Is the center axis

Of revolving morality

The wounds of your great grandmother are etched in your bones. The sorrow of your grandmother is woven in your skin. The sacrifices of your mother are carved on your heart.