One hundred years from now, what would they diagnose me with from a mental health standpoint?

I’m well aware that one hundred years in the past I would either be silent about the inner workings of my brain, or be in an asylum.

But, one hundred years in the future… Will we be advanced enough to see that what we need is environmental change? Or will there be a lobotomy in pill form?

Will my descendants be a free and fed people of joy? Or more cog-like than we are today?

I wonder all this, while also believing that mental health is so fluid that a permanent diagnosis is shit.

I wonder all this while an overwhelming sense of both apathy and hopelessness constantly creep behind my every thought.

I wonder all this while taking my Lexapro and going through the motions because I have wonderful little humans counting on me.

I wonder if those little humans know how incredibly happy I am they exist, and how incredibly sorry I am that I brought them to a broken world.

Now I’m rambling.

This blog post today is about curiosity for the future of mental health, because the current understanding of it is bullshit.

If you’re taking the time to read this, I’m sorry. Also, if you’re taking the time to read this, I wish you nothing but laughter and joy and love and “good” mental health- whatever that may be.

I’ll be dead one hundred years from now, but I hope joy isn’t.

It’s a composition book, marbled in black and white. The same type most of us had in school.

But it’s so much more than that.

It’s an organized document of love in the form of preplanning.

It’s a history of joy.

It’s a record of inflation.

It’s a scroll of relationships.

It’s a deed of good deeds.

It’s a catalog of thoughtfulness.

It’s a record of Christmas spirit.

It’s a chronical of caring.

It’s an archive of benevolence.

It’s amazing, just like the author.

Maybe I do deserve all the bad.

Maybe I should just know my place.

Maybe that’s his plan.

And maybe I die, sad.

Wouldn’t be the first.

Wouldn’t be the last.

I am over committed

I am over whelmed

The injustice is killing me

The ignorance is crushing me

Passions feel far away

Fun feels non existent

Life seems stupid

The disappointment grows like cancer

The appreciation gets smothered

“Drink your water.”

“Move your body.”

“Take your medication.”

“See your doctor.”

Why?

“To survive!”

Here? In this timeline? Why?

“To try!”

This timeline is so frustrating that it is deteriorating part of my brain and lighting parts of my soul with hellfire

This timeline has been the orange optical staining one puts in their eye to look for a cut, in that I can see how truly dense so many of my acquaintances are through the orange stain that is our felodent’s regime. (Felon plus president).

I am trying so very hard not to hate. To not let the world take away my softness. Trying, but not succeeding. My softness has become a memory foam that has stiffened under the sweat and weight of a tossing, turning, and farting body.

I don’t know where I am going with this blog entry today. Hell, if you ask anyone claiming to be Christian.

Have you ever seen blast from the past with Brendan Fraser? I’d love that bunker right now.

And if you’re petitioning for the “C. K.” elementary school name, fuck you specifically today. You win the asshat award. Congradufuckinglations.

Jesus wasn’t his real name

12/25 wasn’t his real birthday

No American bible tells his real story

He had brown skin

He didn’t speak English

Yet, you’re an asshole in his name.

Good work.

“The bible says being gay is a sin.”

1. The word homosexual wasn’t in any version of the bible, anywhere, until the 1940s.
2. The bible does, and has, said not to judge other people.

How much do you really know about your own religion?

(SPOILER ALERT! The original translation has nothing to do with homosexuality, it was about grown men abusing kids. Critical thinking time: Why would religious leaders want to change that?)

1. You’ve been warned of false prophets: Matthew 7:15, Matthew 24:24, 1 John 4:1
2. If you’re posting the same things as nazis and white supremacists, you need to think harder.
3. Hitler, his appointed leaders, and his followers used Christianity to gain followers and sympathizers.
4. If you’re not seeing the parallels of 1930s Germany, you probably aren’t fantastic at history. It’s very important to know it so we don’t repeat it!

A client of mine had the opportunity to see Bush Jr. and Clinton speak recently. She recalled that they said this administration is hurting us, but in time, we will be able to repair our country.

I want to believe that so badly, but it already isn’t true. The decisions that have been made in our country have already killed our fellow countrymen, inside our own borders.

The call is coming from inside the country.

It’s too late.