Dear Digestive System,

   I am writing to inquire about your knowledge of what actions I am doing, when I am doing them. I am most curious, due to the timing in which you choose to engage your evacuation processes. You see, the timing almost always ends in a considerable amount of disappointment. For instance, today I had just finished making the porcelain commode shine brilliantly, and when I stood up to admire my hard work, you began your churning.

Could we perhaps have a meeting to iron out a more efficient schedule for us both?

Sincerely,

The Brain and Entire Central Nervous System